I was watching YouTube a few weeks ago at work and went to watch one of my favorite makeup Youtubers Jackie Aina. She was doing a video on unpopular opinions on a special she had watched. Her video she explains the special and was giving her opinion. I had to stop the video and go to the special. The special talks to 5 different women from around the world and how their life goal differed from the from the people around them. Most of the women were being pressured to get married and have a family. However, the women wanted to focus on their career or just didn’t want marriage. They talked to the women and the person who was putting the pressure on them to live the life they wanted them to live. At the end they made a timeline of the women’s expectations and a timeline her loved one wanted her to follow. The timeline that the loved ones wanted them to follow was the same for all the girls. Get married, have a kid, take care of their family. Whereas the women timeline was completely different. One woman wanted to focus on her spirituality first, another wanted to focus on her career. The way that the director may the visual it helps both people have a better understanding of each other, and the family stop putting so much pressure on them. The link is below to the special.
It made me think about my own life and pressure that people put on you to meet their expectations without knowing it. There is an unspoken pressure that a woman must get married, have a child, and then once their child is grown determine what they want out of life. Which I don’t agree with.
I remember when I was 19, many of my friends were having children. At the time I had no desire to have a child or to be in a relationship. My goal was to finish college, go back get my masters start my career then start a family around 30ish. For some reason 30 is the magic number to determine if you will be successful or not. I had friends tell me I would be an old mother if I started having kids at 30. I knew at 19 that being a young mother would be hard for me. And I always wanted a career first. My timeline for myself wasn’t too far off. I finished my undergraduate degree at 24 got pregnant the following weekend. LOL, yes one week to the day I was pregnant. However, I still was able to obtain my master’s degree by 30. But the family aspect didn’t happen, and I not upset about it.
I thought once I had my child me and her dad would move forward and get married and live happily ever after. Well reality set in very early into my pregnancy. I realized that I didn’t see myself marrying him. Not that he was a bad person our values, goals and wants were so different. We wouldn’t have been happy together in the long run. So, after two years of trying to make it work, I follow my heart and not the timeline the world puts on me. So many people kept asking me when we would get married and when was I going to have another kid. But the truth was I didn’t want either. I am not against marriage, but It is not on the top of my to do list. And I didn’t feel like he was the right person for that.
My time for myself now look a lot different than it did at 19. My first step is to heal from past trauma and be genuinely happy with myself. My mental, physical and spiritual wellness is my priority. I feel that I cannot give love to my child or significant other (when I get one) without loving myself wholeheartedly. I want to figure out my career path, right now I am still figuring it out. I want to be financially stable and always have multiple streams of income. Which I’ll get into in next week’s blog. I want to travel the world and learn about other cultures. Possibly live outside of the United States one day. I am not looking for a significant other currently if someone comes along, I am open to it, but my focus is on self.
I have been asked a lot lately will I settle down or become serious with someone. I don’t think I have found my person just yet. I feel like I will know when I do and I know it will come with up and downs, challenges but it will be worth it. And I don’t think he is in Baltimore either. I may be wrong, but I can’t see it.
I say all this to say follow your own timeline. Don’t allow people to pressure you into living your life the way they think you should. They mean well and it is out of love, but you must live for yourself. And your timeline will change as you grow and learn yourself.
Please watch all parts of the special it is very thought provoking.