I said in my last post that I was going to open up and talk to you guys. I said I would be vulnerable and stuff, so here it is……
Over the past few years my anxiety has been out of control. My anxiety has been a roller coaster of emotions. I first realized that I had anxiety when I was about 18 years old. I had a panic attack at work. I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing I had no idea what was going on. My job wanted to call 911 but instead I insisted that they call my mother. Mothers are better than doctor they fix everything. Well at least that’s what I think. When my mother arrived I was still having a hard time breathing and she made them call 911. By the time I arrived at the hospital I was breathing a lot better. They looked at me and said you had a panic attack you can go home. They probably told me to follow up with a doctor. However, I can’t remember and I didn’t do anything about it.
Since then I have had several other panics attacks. They normally come when I am stressed out. I try to control things I cannot control, which causes me to stress and overthink. I want to know the outcome of events prior to them really happening. I start overthinking things then it spirals out of control. I think of the worst possible outcomes. But the crazy thing is when it actually happens the worse outcomes never happen. I have spent so much time in a panic state that I waste time and energy. Having anxiety is emotionally and physically drained when it is out of control. My anxiety will stop me from doing anything. I will shut down on the world without even realizing it.
But I have found a few ways to deal with my anxiety.
Here are 6 ways I deal with my anxiety:
I try to journal daily. I like to write first thing in the morning. I want to start my day with a clear mind and no stress. Lately I haven’t been writing in the morning because I have been over sleeping. But I am getting back on schedule and waking up early. Journaling is the best way for me to get my thoughts together. When I tell you my journal is jumbled with random things that go through my head. My mind races a lot and journaling slows it down.
Therapy has been the biggest help out of everything. I started therapy May 2016. I had a really good therapist at Kaiser. She was a white woman who reminded me of the therapist from the show Private Practice. She was a single mother like and I could really relate to. By far she has been the best therapist I have had. She went out on FMLA for about 3 months after me starting therapy. She never returned from her FMLA. I tried another woman who was also with Kaiser I didn’t like her at all. Now I am with a black therapist. She is good and have pulled things out of me that I didn’t realize were bothering me. Therapy gives you a bias opinion and a safe place to vent.
Meditation has really helped me also. When I first started I would just sit there and think quietly. I didn’t know if that was correct or not. So I tried headspace app. This was the first app that walk me through meditation. If you are new to meditation it is a really good start. I now use inscape I use it mainly at night to help me fall asleep. I have also done it with Erin since they have a kids section. It is a good way to help her relax before bed. I have tried to compete Deepak Chopra 21 day challenge, but I haven’t made it past day 10. I am going to complete this challenge.
When I am thinking about what I am thankful for I have less time to worry. I have been using the Shine app for daily gratitude and meditation. It forces me to say why am grateful for the things in my life.. Erin is my daily gratification. Being around her always put a smile on my face. She is a happy, silly, fun kid. She drives me crazy but my life wouldn’t be the same without her.
About 2 months ago I seen someone was selling affirmation sticky note. I was talking to a friend of mine and told her I was thinking about buying them . She said it means more if you write them yourselves. She was absolutely right. I have been writing them and posting on my wall around my vision bored. I try to read them daily before I walk out of the house. My affirmation are personal to what I need to remind myself daily.
Making wigs or doing something new to my hair is my favorite way to relax. I have so many wigs that I don’t wear. People have asked me if I would make them for other people but I refuse. Making wigs are relaxing and if I have to deal with people and their opinion I will get annoyed and it will take the fun away. making wigs forces me to focus on one thing and it slowly calms my mind.
Now that it is about to be cooler I may start wearing them. Making wigs have challenges me and takes me to keep up with the latest styles and colors. I will continue to make wigs and wear them even though I have loc my hair.
My anxiety is not gone but lately I have been able to manage it better. Talking about it has also help me. I no longer want to live is a state of panic. I want to allow thing to flow and handle them as they come. Because the worse that can happen normally doesn’t.
I hope this helps someone else who is struggling!